Dear Mr. President,

I am that tiny trump that wrote you a letter a few months back and you didn’t respond, (not that I expected) but I always knew you didn’t have the time to do so, considering that you are the alpha and omega of problem solving in the country, I guess you must be handling ‘chapati’ stall vendors by now.

However given the limited interaction we always have, I always find comfort and solace in drafting up a letter to thank you for the scales of reverse developments you manage to steer us to and I guess that answers why I didn’t thank you for our gold medal that Kipro-rich scooped at the Olympics and I really pray that you at least were in the know that the Olympics were going on, forget that a Ugandan contingent was participating.

That not withstanding, straight to the facts, we of recent won a gold medal not in the Olympics or paralympics but in Bribery. We emerged unscathed and unrivaled at the top of them all, (prepare a state banquet as I speak) in taking of bribes and even if we added corruption no one would beat us, I trust your team of experts on that.

This medal is a landmark achievement to add to your gallery of woes that you prepare to leave with the banana republic. First you need to reward with huge favor the judiciary, without them all our efforts would have been wasted. They alone total an average of 600,000 per bribe, it’s really an expensive bribe, and for that sole reason they blew us out of proportion with other competitors.

Then came the land services which you and your beloved brother always prey on to award lands to investors of pancakes, wheat and those many others you consider worthwhile.

Now that I have delivered the bad  news (rather good news), I pray you include me in the list of attendees for the state banquet, it’s been a while since I tasted the sweetness of taxpayers’ sweat and from there I hope we shall talk in-depth about those junk things that cost us our boys in Kenya!


yours defiantly

distressed citizen!


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